SHATTERED

What then shall we call life? A series of ups and downs, of love and loss, of gain and lose. Life, such a fragile thing. Riddled with the plague of emotion to live is ultimately to die and to live is to feel and feel intently. Oh how I wish I didn't feel so much.

How do we make it through? How do we deal with so much? Let me rephrase, how do I deal with it. How do I tolerate the ups and downs, the love and loss, and the gain and lose.

I am so tired. So drained. So unbearably desperate to breathe a sigh of relief. But that relief can't be found. I have tried to find it in a bottle, in a relationship, in an asylum, and in a church. I have tried to find it in the books I read or in the television shows and movies I watch. I have tried to find it in my kids and in my job. Alas I am still broken. Still weighted down. Still desperate.

Some would call this depression, others would call it self pity, and true both are correct. For with every ounce of my being I am torn and unsettled.

Day by day holding on to dreams and desires gets harder and harder. I see so many people become resigned to life rather than living life as they want to. I see myself slipping into this wave pool and finding myself trapped amidst the eb and flow of monotony and routine. True this is the life I have made for myself. True it is my choices that have led me to where I am. True it has been my unwillingness to define my needs and wants which has put me in this desolate cell...

There is however still time. There is still light at the end of the tunnel. There is still hope within me for something better, something more. As there is still breath in my lungs and life in my body there is still time to make a change. Time... Time.

Never give up. Never surrender. This thing called life... Such a beautiful tragedy.