Coming out of my skin. Trembling and panic. So awake my eyes pain from their stretching. Racing and repeating thoughts keep me up until I pass out with exhaustion. Angry and miserable. Suffocating. Dying.These are the feelings during my manic upswing.
What once was an enjoyable free buzz now tears me apart. Bleeds my life force and terrorizes my reality.
Depression, pain, misery. My eyes sore from the salt of so many tears. Hopelessness. Helplessness. Utter despair. Thoughts of dying and dreams of running away. Angry and miserable. Suffocating. These are the feelings during my low bottoms.
What once was tolerable now drives me insane. Forces me to seek shelter and hide from the world. Obliterates my reality.
Normal? I long for normalcy. A wife, a mother, an employee, these are the roles I have to hold it together for. It's becoming increasingly harder. It's causing me to drown. This disorder is killing me. Slowly it progresses. Yet powerfully it consumes. A pill. 2 pills. Now 3 pills. Relief? I hope it is soon to come...
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