The Demon Within

How can I properly articulate the demon that is nestled between my ears? How can I explain the tenacity of his vigor, the strength of his whisper, the force he uses with the utterance of an urge?

Falling to my knees I am confined by the invisible chains that shackle my insides and destroy me emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The demon within, the friend, the foe; the disease that causes my dis-ease...

If you ever encounter him, be careful, he has a knack for twisting my words smooth as butter and causing them to be unquestionably convincing. He masquerades himself in the form of beauty and intelligence and leaves no room for doubt. His whispers lead me to believe he is always right- at least until the pain comes

The pain and consequence of listening to his voice…the pain and consequence of following his lead….the pain and consequence of letting him pull the strings that keep me shackled to use for his pleasure.

Break free- I must break free. Scream. Rage. Vibrations of immense force throw my body into a state of catatonic shock. Dead on the inside. The demon writhing wins.

It is at the point where I have totally given up and resigned to be bound by his torture forever that my eyes release from the glazed over look of surrender…it migrates then from my eyes to my broken heart which begins to pump, slowly at first but then faster and harder with force…my lungs- I can breathe- shallow to strong my lungs fire up…Strong and stable I stand to my feet and tell him he has no power over me any longer. I choose who to be, who to follow, and where and what I will do. And I choose to rid myself of him forever….the separation is painful as I feel the shackles and strings inside rip and tear- writhing on the ground I result in fetal position, in peace, and quiet. The lights dim slowly the burst through to a blinding sensation of release and freedom.

I have conquered the demon within….

The Man and His Tree

There once was a man who lived in a hole in a tree. In his tree he felt safe nestled beneath its wide roots and cloaked from what dangers may be lurking outside of his hole. He lived in a state of absolute solitude. He watched with fear at the life that passed by around him outside of his tree. He saw animals come and go, frolicking and playing- he also saw animals attacked by others and eaten for food. He saw storms, snow, ice, wind and sun. Yet in his hole he remained. He was unchanged, stable, and safe- or so he thought.

In this very old and very large tree he found comfort of having his own world to maintain without the need to engage in the other. The sap provided some nutrition along with the bugs for food; the nuts and berries that would wind up at the edge of his tree; the leaves, the moss and the grass sustained him. And the dew was grand and the rain was plenty. Yes, he loved his hole- then again; he had nothing else to compare love to.

As time went on he noticed something shifting with his great protector, the age of the tree has finally taken a toll and was not going to be sturdy for much longer. The man was terrified! He could stay and wait for the tree to fall and hope it leaves just enough to keep his hole covered; but then what if he stays and is crushed by the tree? As he sat there pondering his fate more and more the creaks and cracks of the old tree grew louder and he could feel the vibration with every movement. He did not want to die, so what other choice did he have than to leave his hole? He has never stepped more than a few feet away from his protector for as long as he could remember. He did not know his name, he had all but forgotten how to speak and even then it was a broken semblance of English.

The sun was raging and hot and he feared he would catch fire, the wind was strong and fierce and he immediately thought he would blow away. The sounds of the forest were alive and the animals were scurrying around him…in such terror he passed out landing on a rock which killed him. The wondrous beauty of life was all around him every day. He saw things that those outside of the tree would find enchanting, inviting, joyous, sad, and at times scary too. This man never knew any of those wonders of life.

He hid from life, bound by fear…and it was that very fear of living with took his life away.