Raised in the Christian Protestant faith, I attended many different churches and I followed many different doctrines. All with the same bible. All with the same basic notion that belief in Jesus as Lord and Savior will save my soul from the gnashing of teeth and burning for all eternity in hell. Belief that with this faith I will be guaranteed an afterlife in perfection, in heaven, dancing and singing praises for all eternity. While each protestant branch preached in different ways- this was the premise that fueled them all.
I have been told that I must believe everything in the Word of God- the bible- or I cannot believe any of it. How frustrating and how pathetic…do I believe, could I believe, that unless all accept Jesus as lord and savior that they shall perish for all of eternity? I cannot. Can I believe that the Protestant way or the Protestant bible is somehow superior and more “right” than the Catholic bible, or the Dead Sea Scrolls? With the many versions and loose translations, the opinions and the revising to suit situations- how could I? And what of the rest of the world and their religious beliefs… How anyone could truly believe that God would damn the majority of the world for believing another religion is something I cannot accept. I have been told that unless one has the knowledge of Jesus and an opportunity to accept Him as their savior then they are not in danger of hell. This concept baffles me even more. Christians claim that the bible can be proven by filling in the gaps of history…well, so can the Vedas, so can the Koran, so can the Buddhist Catechism. So what makes this faith any better or any more real, or anymore “right” than all of the other faiths that are believed around the world? Is it that in the Christian faith there is no room for open mindedness? Perhaps the superior mentality and inability to see faith in a more holistic view is the real problem that I have.
I have been told that the deep emotion felt when in prayer or when in a powerful church service is the Spirit of God moving; and that the miracles that are performed when people put their trust and faith in the blood of Jesus for their healing is indeed an act of God, and only an act of God, by the stripes of Jesus' torn flesh- and an act of the Holy Spirit to show His power. While I do not discount that there is a God, I do have doubts that emotional outbursts and even miraculous healings are only the result of a divine intervention. Can we not experience the same emotional depth when listening to music that touches us deeply? Can we not engage in emotional outbursts when we are in awe at the beauty around us? Then, we address, "by your faith you have been healed"…has science not proved that with your mind we have the ability to heal? Could it not be complete focus on what you want deeply and then allowing your body to receive? We have the ability to heal our bodies as well as make them sick. I have proven this in my own life as a child. I would envision my white blood cells like little soldiers all holding hands and blocking the sickness from my body, then I would visualize them unlocking hands and allowing some sickness to enter their barricade. I would always get sick, anytime I didn’t want to go to school I used this technique. Is this not the same thing as divine healing? Perhaps it is not by His stripes we have been healed, perhaps it is simply by our ability to focus and intently believe that we will receive healing and thus we are healed.
Let me stop here and say that I am not denying the bible in its entirety; I believe much of the bible. However, I do not believe much of the bible as well… I can’t. My passion for reason and my logical, rational mind is not able. “Do I believe in Jesus as my savior?” “What if I say I don’t and I go to hell?” “Am I a Christian?” “Do I even believe in heaven or hell” ; these are the battle cries I have dealt with for many years… One day I encountered a realization- if you have to constantly ask yourself if you believe something, then you don’t. As soon as this revelation resonated within me, there was a relief, a purging, a freedom. I was free. I was then able to see clearly the messages conveyed in all of the world’s religions- love, not fear, not rigidity- love. I refuse to believe something out of fear, I refuse to be shackled in the bondage of doctrine and ignorance- that truly is hell. If this means that I am not a Christian, then I am not. For the first time in my life I am confident and at peace about that fact. Liberation.
The message and purpose of Christ was not solely to save our souls from hell as much of the Christian churches would lead many to believe. Jesus came to teach us love. The message of Jesus was to love. “And the greatest of these is love…” How could a man who taught so openly about loving one another be responsible for the salvation or damnation of souls? To take His teachings alone is to live in peace, harmony, acceptance, and love. Jesus never casted stones, Jesus accepted everyone regardless of morality, lifestyle choice, physicality, etc. Jesus “came that we should have life, and have it more abundantly.” In my quest for defining my beliefs, I have been liberated buy focusing on these principles.
Love. Honor. Integrity. Kindness. Tolerance. Patience. Acceptance. Forgiveness.
I have studied Buddhism, Hinduism, Mysticism, Wiccan, and Judaism- all of which teach the same principles above as a guide to live life fully. These are the teachings of the greatest teachers who ever lived. Jesus Himself said “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.” In my opinion, this applies regardless of religious beliefs... According to one of the most renown teachings of Jesus, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” These are the disciplines that I follow, these are the truths that I accept from the Christian faith. A final thought on Christianity: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” This is the path I will follow. I will close with a final thought from a man that I revere as the greatest leader our country has ever known… “When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion.” -Abraham Lincoln
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